Every problem every leader has inside their organization is the leader.
I know that's hard to hear. It was hard for me to hear too. In my twenties I got into personal development to figure out why everyone around me was broken. I ended up figuring out why I was.
Your team is a mirror. If your team avoids hard conversations, look at how you handle yours. If you can't hold others accountable, it's usually because you aren't holding yourself accountable. If you want your team operating at a level 10, you have to operate at a level 20.
So before you decide someone is the problem, run the diagnosis.
Five reasons people don't do what they need to do
Picture a five-star steakhouse. The chef isn't putting out the steaks. Before you fire him, ask five questions.
Do they know what to do? Most of the time, they don't. That's a clarity problem, and clarity is the leader's job. Say it and show it every day: the specific number of conversations, appointments and contracts.
Do they know how to do it? That's a training problem. I train my team every single morning on mission, vision and values, plus full trainings three afternoons a week.
Is there a deadline? "When the ticket comes in, I need it out in 20 minutes." Without a deadline, everything is a someday.
Do they see the incentive? And it's more than money. Remind people daily why they're doing it: their family, their freedom, the person they want to become.
Is something blocking them? "There's no steak back here." Your job as a leader is to remove friction: tools, systems, scripts, environment.
If I tell you what to do, how to do it, give you the deadline, give you the incentive, and I've removed all blocks, and you're still not doing it, now you're consciously making a decision to not do it.
At that point it's not a leadership problem anymore. It's an alignment problem. We're a steakhouse. You want to cook omelets, which is fine. There's a great place down the street. You part ways with no bitterness and no judgment.
Step up, step out, or get grateful
When someone tells me they want more, I take them at their word, and I'm honest about what more requires. The next level always costs something.
From there, they have three options. They can step up and make the sacrifice. They can step out. Or, if they're already doing well and don't want to give up more, they can get grateful and be happy where they are. All three are fine. What doesn't work is wanting the result without the sacrifice. That's inner conflict.
And remember: I'm here to help people get what they want, not what I want for them.
Don't fall in love with potential
This is the mistake I've made most. In nearly every case over the years, I held on to people too long. I loved who they could be more than I watched who they were being.
Patterns and behavior are the truth. Potential is a fantasy until someone acts on it.
Lead with love, not judgment
None of this means being cold. Judgment is the enemy of all influence. Making more money than someone doesn't make you better than them. Find the part of each person you respect, and lead from there.
You can help people. You can't save them. Clarity, training, deadlines, incentives and a clear path are yours to give. The decision is theirs.
The takeaway
Next time someone on your team isn't performing, don't start with them. Start with the mirror. Then run the five questions. If you've done your part, you'll know, and so will they.
This post is adapted from Built for More Episode 17, "Communication That Builds Communities," and Episode 41, "Your Team Isn't the Problem, You're the Leader." Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.